A Wintry Adventure

A Walk Down to Pratt Beach

The snow is falling and I am drawn outside. Into the wind and the white soft flakes. The wind is not cold and the snow feels me with a peace I’ve known since I was a child in Hyde Park living across from Farmer’s Field. Walking through the trees this day I am reminded of a wintry night when I was eight. It was midnight maybe later. I just knew it was way past my bedtime. My twin, Laura and I had been asleep, when our favorite baby sitter Mary Jo and her big sister Ann Marie woke us up and took us out to the park for an adventure. I didn’t know what was going to happen as I put on my warm boots and scarf. My heart was pounding with excitement. We lived across the street from Farmer’s Field a big open park with lots of wide open spaces to run around. That night the air was cold to the cheek, but I felt warm inside. Laura and I found ourselves in a line with other kids and teenagers. At the count of something, we ran screaming and laughing across the field. It was so thrilling to me. I felt alive. I felt glad to be apart of it. Not too little anymore to have adventures in the middle of the night. We skated across the frozen basketball and four square court and had a massive snowball fight before we returned safely home. That night stays with me. The feeling of being welcomed by these fun older teens, doing something bold and exciting on a wintry night, being a child but wanting to be older.

Mom welcomed us back with hot coco and questions of “What did you do. girls?” Laura and I just looked at each other and smiled and said “it was fun”. We wanted it to be our secret. We were older now some how and didn’t have to tell our mom everything.

The next year we moved away from Farmer’s Field. Life changed. But that feeling of adventures in the snow draws me out on days like this. Walking to Pratt Beach, I was thankful to the snow, my sister Laura, Mary Jo, my mom and a moment when I was eight that changed me.

Remember

It is something Christopher Robin once said to Pooh and now I would like to share it with you:

Promise me you'll always remember that you're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

As a direct reflection of Spirit, every brilliant possibility meets in your heart and waits for your permission to express itself.

Good question

"When are you going to make up your mind and love you as much as I love you?"
Winter, Tori Amos

Twenty-five Tips for Moving on from Work

Twenty-five Tips for Moving on from Work

1. Look for other work.
2. Tell all your friends you’re looking for work.
3. Network.
4. Think out of the box.
5. Play.
6 Send resume out and make calls every day.
7. New clients want what you are offereing.
8. Set your imagination loose.
9. Follow the signs and writing on the wall for the next place to land.
10. Enjoy your days.
11. Exercise.
12. Believe in yourself.
13. Feel safe.
14. Don’t give up.
15. Be on Facebook and LinkedIn
16. Create your vision and your life.
17. Map out the change.
18. Read good books.
19, Write good books.
20. Partner with folks withwhom you can create.
21. Be Free.
22. You are your own boss.
23. Teach what you know.
24. Grow.
25. With every “goodbye” there is a new “hello”.

Movement

Some movement.
Moving forward.
Taking steps back.
Raising my arms over my head.
In circles...incircles.
Twisting myself into a ball or stretched out like a bough of a ship.
I can ride this wave. My body is strong and I'm realizing my mind is stronger.

A Wee Bit of Sunshine

I have to admit I had a crappy day. I felt beaten up when I left my job out in the Suburbs. However, I had some rays of sunshine and butter moments touch my heart in the evening at the Heartland Cafe. The screening of the Principal Story moved me. It was a film about the day to day lives of two Principal from IL. Both ladies made a big difference in the lives of their students and teachers. Kids need the same thing everywhere encouragement, support, a safe place to spread their wings and fly creatively and cognitively. I felt some of that kind of nurturing, later in discussions with friends at the bar. I met some fun new people and also talked with folks I always enjoying talking too.
It helped me to feel more myself, more supported, grounded and feeling groovy.

For Rose

Rose

Eight pounds and twelve ounces born
onto the Earth October 7th at 6:06 am.
Rosie from head to toe. Your eyes opened.
Your mouth yawned. That first day you cooed.
My niece Rose.

You look like me. You have your Mother’s
pout and your Father’s hands.
Rose you have your own spirit. Never forget.
My wish is that you have a garden of your own.

A garden of feelings and thoughts.
Everyday you will water with love and
patience. Year by year new blossoms will
lift you up and fill you with self love.
You are amazing my dear. I look forward
to knowing you.



A Blooming Rose

Thirteen years have danced by.
You’ve tended your garden well. Rose you are blooming.

In the way you are cool with your friends. You got a close group of girls watching your back.

In the way you are a great big sister. You are teaching Anna what you know. And always have her back no matter what.


In the way you express your own spirit and heart.
Girl, you got the will as big as a wild Humped back Whale.
You are not quiet.

In the way your creativity with your feet(dance), hands(piano) and mind(writing) can move mountains at least my heart and the rest of the family’s.

Whatever…..Just Cause…Dah…. Code for- I love you my dear.

I am glad to know you now.

30 Tips for Moving

30 Crazy, Sexy Tips for Moving On


Tip # One
When your grandmother tells you to leave your husband, just do it.

Tip # Two
When your grandmother hollers “get out” , question her cautiously.
“You mean grandma, get out of your apartment or out of the marriage I find myself in? If at ninety she doesn’t roll your suitcase after you..she meant get out of your marriage.

Tip # Three
Dedicate several books to your brilliant grandmother, even after she passes away.I am glad I come from you Grandma.

Tip # Four
Come up with a plan and leave damnit!
Don’t wait another year hoping he would change. Take care of yourself. Okay, Grandma.

Tip # Five
Have a plan and leave home-everything you've known. Freak. out

Tip # Six
Freak out safely at a girlfriend’s house. She had a spare futon and a large friendly shoulder to cry on. It helps to land where your friend has gone through what you are going through and survived. Fellow Divorce Survivor. Thank you my Bad Kitty Friend.

Tip # Seven
Beware of the Tape Monster. Around this time of boxing stuff up, I learned about the Urban Legend of the Tape Monster. It is said that if you find yourself taping up boxing after 4am, the Tape Monster may find you and get you. When he does you will be found the next day hopefully for your sake breathing all taped up in a box.I remember this warning and always stop packing after 2am. Please head my warning.

Tip # Eight
Always return friend’s books, pillows, sweaters etc. Keep toothbrushes. I have a nasty habit of borrowing sweaters and not quickly returning them. Sorry my sisters. In a way, maybe your sweater is part of my nesting, making myself feel more comfortable by having something that reminds me of you.
I'll give back the sweater.

Tip # Nine
Stop pity parties and beat up festivals.
They have been well attended, with to many bruises and heartbreaks.

Tip # Ten
It is okay to say F---K you a lot. Saying “Fuck you, you dirty bastard swine” feels really good directed at the soon to be ex.


Tip # Eleven
Live on your own in a sunny apartment. Don’t let your ex- visit you bearing fans or puppies.

Tip # Twelve
Move your groove thing. Exercise. Exercise. Exercise.

Tip # Thirteen
Meditate, pray, eat, drink, love go inside in a good way. If you can’t go to India, find a comfy chair and a quiet space. Breathe.

Tip # Fourteen
Swim in a pool or in a lake. Surround yourself in water especially in winter. The water holds you and cuddles you like a good friend who is not interested in sex at least for the moment.

Tip # Fifteen
Have sex. Lots of healthy juicy sex with yourself to start with. Find a favorite toy.

Tip # Sixteen
Friends. Surround yourself with positive people. People who will make you chicken soup. People who will tell you are full of shit when you say are thinking about your ex or going back to him. Don’t go back. Move forward.

Tip # Seventeen
Find interesting roommates to live with. People from foreign countries who make you gorgeous Chinese breakfasts and called you enduring names like “Evo”. I felt like part of an usual family for awhile. Between two worlds: China and America. Music, food and laughter mixed into a new kind of fun for me.

Tip # Eighteen
Kick some butt. Martial arts class is a good thing. Find a way to kick, push and scream your ass off. Wrestle.

Tip # Nineteen
Go out with friends. Go out on dates when you are ready. How will you know when you are ready? You start to feel horny and happy. Someone asks you and you say yes or you ask someone out and they say yes. And you like each other. Enough said. Go out and have fun.

Tip # Twenty
Get close to another human-being again. Learn to trust yourself, your choices again. It takes practice.

Tip # Twenty-one
Forgive yourself.

Tip # Twenty-two
Accept yourself-the good, the bad and the ugly.

Tip # Twenty-three
Make art.

Tip # Twenty-four
Eat Cheetos in bed.

Tip # Twenty-five
Tell your story. Write. Write. Write. Heck keep a journal. Use the word hell a lot.

Tip # Twenty-six
Visit grandmother often after leaving husband for morale reinforcements.

Tip # Twenty-seven
Get regular check ups with doctor and dentist.


Tip # Twenty-eight
Feed yourself good food. Nutritious fruits and vegetable, lean meats, plenty of fish are on the menu. Eat regularly. I know money is tight and you feel depressed sometimes. Budget, cook and feed yourself well.

Tip # Twenty-nine
Ask for help. Reach out to family and friends. Enlist a professional who can help you work through the grief.

Tip # Thirty
Eat lots of popsicles in the summer cause it is hot and popsicles are fun.

Being Sick

Being sick on a work day is a Butter Moment. Under the quilt, sucking on ricola and orange juice. Overdosing on Puffs with lotion and hot tea with honey, what treats.
I guess I have a little more energy to write this.

Yesterday I slept for most of the day....my body needed it..my spirit enjoys the comfort and care.

Watching movies today, cuddling with my teddy bear Morris. Tomorrow I will be better. Today I am taking it easy and enjoying these butter moments.

New Digs

I have new digs. A space full of art and a comfy couch. My roommate is sweet. Two cats greet me in the morning, by cautiously smelling me. I have already cooked a good meal in the kitchen. Cooking is a good sign. It means I am comfortable.

Thanks Rogers Park for being my place to call home again.

A New Year

Coming home to my Jewish Community last night I experienced many Butter Moments. Music, prayer, cuddling, smiles. I wasn't sure what I would feel. I brought my traditional sweet potato fries. My Rabbi loved them. I felt welcomed back. Old friends, thank you. I've known you guys for seven years now. I still feel part of this community. Friends shared with me what has been happening with them. I liked it. This made me happy and more connected with God and myself. Thanks.

Soft Sparkling Eyes

She has soft sparkling eyes and cold hands.
She says, "Your hands are warm. You woke me up."
She thanks me with a smile and a wink.
What has she seen with her eyes?
Her family grow and her friends die.
She is tired and sometimes weary now, but there are moments like this butter moment when she sees me with her soft sparkling eyes and we dance.

A Moment at Work

Sometimes I doubt what I am doing is needed or wanted by the powers that be at my work. Yesterday, I had a Butter Moment, when a client smiled and said,"I'm glad you're around." That was nice to hear. She reminded me what matters. Thanks.

In Lake Michigan

In Lake Michigan, I found another Butter Moment Yesterday. I am at home in water. I hadn't been in the lake this year. It has been my experience at the start of September the water is warm. In the wee morning hour of Wednesday, I went to an early morning networking meeting. I go to them every month. This morning there was a special glow in my cheek and sparkle in my eye. I was thinking about being in the Lake. I walked over to my beautiful blue friend about 2pm. The Sun was warm. I felt the familiar stones under my feet. I knew just a few yards out I would find soft sand. I found soft sand, gentle waves and a playful and tender playmate for an hour an a half. I jumped in the waves and splashed like when I was ten. I laughed out loud. It was freeing. I feel different today. Happier and more myself. Thanks for that Butter Moment Lake Michigan

Butter Moments

Butter Moments are moments I experience in my life that just happen, that warm my heart and make me melt just like butter.

For example-
The other day I was in Starbucks awaiting an early morning train. What warmed my heart was sitting at the next table over from me. A mother and nine year old daughter were playing with barbie dolls together. They were laughing and their smiles spread to me.

Another example- one of my clients fell and wasn't hurt but shaken. Her grown daughter put her arm around her mom. Both shared a loving glance and "I love yous". This made me tear up and melt like butter.

Thanks.