30 Tips for Moving

30 Crazy, Sexy Tips for Moving On


Tip # One
When your grandmother tells you to leave your husband, just do it.

Tip # Two
When your grandmother hollers “get out” , question her cautiously.
“You mean grandma, get out of your apartment or out of the marriage I find myself in? If at ninety she doesn’t roll your suitcase after you..she meant get out of your marriage.

Tip # Three
Dedicate several books to your brilliant grandmother, even after she passes away.I am glad I come from you Grandma.

Tip # Four
Come up with a plan and leave damnit!
Don’t wait another year hoping he would change. Take care of yourself. Okay, Grandma.

Tip # Five
Have a plan and leave home-everything you've known. Freak. out

Tip # Six
Freak out safely at a girlfriend’s house. She had a spare futon and a large friendly shoulder to cry on. It helps to land where your friend has gone through what you are going through and survived. Fellow Divorce Survivor. Thank you my Bad Kitty Friend.

Tip # Seven
Beware of the Tape Monster. Around this time of boxing stuff up, I learned about the Urban Legend of the Tape Monster. It is said that if you find yourself taping up boxing after 4am, the Tape Monster may find you and get you. When he does you will be found the next day hopefully for your sake breathing all taped up in a box.I remember this warning and always stop packing after 2am. Please head my warning.

Tip # Eight
Always return friend’s books, pillows, sweaters etc. Keep toothbrushes. I have a nasty habit of borrowing sweaters and not quickly returning them. Sorry my sisters. In a way, maybe your sweater is part of my nesting, making myself feel more comfortable by having something that reminds me of you.
I'll give back the sweater.

Tip # Nine
Stop pity parties and beat up festivals.
They have been well attended, with to many bruises and heartbreaks.

Tip # Ten
It is okay to say F---K you a lot. Saying “Fuck you, you dirty bastard swine” feels really good directed at the soon to be ex.


Tip # Eleven
Live on your own in a sunny apartment. Don’t let your ex- visit you bearing fans or puppies.

Tip # Twelve
Move your groove thing. Exercise. Exercise. Exercise.

Tip # Thirteen
Meditate, pray, eat, drink, love go inside in a good way. If you can’t go to India, find a comfy chair and a quiet space. Breathe.

Tip # Fourteen
Swim in a pool or in a lake. Surround yourself in water especially in winter. The water holds you and cuddles you like a good friend who is not interested in sex at least for the moment.

Tip # Fifteen
Have sex. Lots of healthy juicy sex with yourself to start with. Find a favorite toy.

Tip # Sixteen
Friends. Surround yourself with positive people. People who will make you chicken soup. People who will tell you are full of shit when you say are thinking about your ex or going back to him. Don’t go back. Move forward.

Tip # Seventeen
Find interesting roommates to live with. People from foreign countries who make you gorgeous Chinese breakfasts and called you enduring names like “Evo”. I felt like part of an usual family for awhile. Between two worlds: China and America. Music, food and laughter mixed into a new kind of fun for me.

Tip # Eighteen
Kick some butt. Martial arts class is a good thing. Find a way to kick, push and scream your ass off. Wrestle.

Tip # Nineteen
Go out with friends. Go out on dates when you are ready. How will you know when you are ready? You start to feel horny and happy. Someone asks you and you say yes or you ask someone out and they say yes. And you like each other. Enough said. Go out and have fun.

Tip # Twenty
Get close to another human-being again. Learn to trust yourself, your choices again. It takes practice.

Tip # Twenty-one
Forgive yourself.

Tip # Twenty-two
Accept yourself-the good, the bad and the ugly.

Tip # Twenty-three
Make art.

Tip # Twenty-four
Eat Cheetos in bed.

Tip # Twenty-five
Tell your story. Write. Write. Write. Heck keep a journal. Use the word hell a lot.

Tip # Twenty-six
Visit grandmother often after leaving husband for morale reinforcements.

Tip # Twenty-seven
Get regular check ups with doctor and dentist.


Tip # Twenty-eight
Feed yourself good food. Nutritious fruits and vegetable, lean meats, plenty of fish are on the menu. Eat regularly. I know money is tight and you feel depressed sometimes. Budget, cook and feed yourself well.

Tip # Twenty-nine
Ask for help. Reach out to family and friends. Enlist a professional who can help you work through the grief.

Tip # Thirty
Eat lots of popsicles in the summer cause it is hot and popsicles are fun.